Wednesday, July 22, 2009

E - Advice: How to tell my girl....

I got a very interesting question from an Internet friend, about a new girl that he is dating. He loves natural woman, but the woman that he just started dating does not have natural hair. So his question to me is, how does he let her know that she would be absolutely gorgeous with her own natural hair??

Here is my advice to him:

I think approaching the subject of asking a woman, that you are just getting to know, to be more natural is very touchy. If she brings up the subject, then your in!! But if its not something that she talks about, it may be hard to bring it up without offending her.

If you are just starting to date, I would say wait awhile, until you have established that you really love the way she looks and carries herself. Once you are both kind of over the initial newness of the relationship (give or take 2 or 3 months), I think it may be ok to ask her if she would ever consider wearing her hair naturally.

But!! And this is a big but! You have to be ready for her to possibly reject the idea. She may like her own style or way of presenting herself to the world. And if she says she is not into it, you may have to just respect that.
In my own situation - I entered my relationship with my husband with permed hair. I already had a huge desire to go natural. So when he brought it up and encouraged me to loc / dread my hair, I was all for it. So it really just depends on her mindset.

Hope this helps!



  1. I would say just ask if she has ever thought of going natural with her hair. Of course she'll probably say 'No, Why?'. Simply say, "oh, I like both natural and relaxed hair and just wondered if you ever thought about it."

    That would let her know that he likes both just in case she has thought about it but apprehensive about taking that route.

  2. I strongly discourage him from trying to change her. I LOVE natural hair but the worst thing anyone can do for themselves is to be in a relationship where your partner is trying to change you.

  3. I agree A.Spence and Chez Cerise! It really is a tough one. Unless the person has openly expressed that they want to be natural - it is hard to judge whether you want to take the chance of sending a message that who you partner is, isn't good enough. But I do think there is something to be said about just putting out there, how you love a woman to be herself. No extra stuff needed.

    My husbad did that, in a very sensitive way. And it helped me to get to a place where I blossomed as a natural woman. But that my not be a the case for everyone.

  4. I believe that you shared some of the best advice ever as to how to approach such a sensitive topic. Maybe you could take your husband's approach and share it with this young man if you haven't already because if it worked for you, then it could possibly work for his girlfriend. You never know. ;-)


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