Monday, February 2, 2009

My Inspiration

Drawing by Eric Battle -

Beautifully Locked!!!

I am blessed! Every day is a new day to me. You ask why? It is because I have found my true self. I've spent years of being untrue to myself, after suppressing my need for more out of life. I wanted to feel like I was whole but did not know how or what to do to make it happen. I wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin, but thought that materialistic things could fill that void. That if I wore the right thing, had the cutest weave and hair style, or fit in the with the cool crowd - that I would finally be complete.

But none of that made a difference or helped. Deep inside, I knew what I needed to do to be complete and to finally love myself. I needed to let go. I needed to let go of this need to fit into this ideal image of what the world accepted as beautiful. Let go of the brainwashed way of thinking that if I do not look like some standard of beauty or someone with long straight hair that I will never be loved or succeed in life. That if I even thought of wearing clothes or jewelry that expressed my African American culture that I would be rejected by others. It took me years to realize that by not being true to myself, I was only causing myself more harm than good.

For almost a decade before locking my hair, I admired how beautiful and at peace some our brothers and sisters looked with their Crown of dreads. And part of me knew that I needed and wanted that freeness. But I denied myself from locking my hair because of my fear of losing my job or never being able to get ahead in my career because of it. Or just the idea of constantly being judge or being rejected scared me.

But one day, I just said enough is enough. I have all these people in my life that love me, and I don't even love or except myself because I didn't feel like I was being true to who I was. I finally decided that I was going to lock my hair. If I get fired, then that job was not right for me. If I get rejected by the outside world, then they were not meant to be a part of my life.

And then I did it. I locked my hair, and I literally felt like I was reborn. Or as if I had shut myself into some dark closet for years and all of the sudden the door opened and in came this amazing sunlight. I had the most amazing sense of joy come over me and I said this is what I have been waiting for. I could feel myself glowing with pride. It was Not about some hair style or the latest trend! It was about Acceptance. It was about about my knowledge of myself and my instinct to do what was right for me - all coming together. About letting myself be a beautiful black woman, and not letting any ones stereotypes or issues stand in my way.

Since the day I locked, I have felt so Empowered, Strong, Sexy, Confident and Creative, that it has blown me away. I fell more beautiful than I have ever felt in my whole life. I never knew that being so true to my self could unlock all these amazing things. It has been an epiphany. And I am blessed to have allowed myself to be real and who I am meant to be.


  1. I love the drawing! and the posting is very thought provoking and inspiring.

  2. I love the drawing as well. I agree loc'ing is a form of accepting yourself for who you are and not letting outer forces discourage you. I've only been loc'd for 2 weeks and the 1 week was the hardest for me. Strangers were looking at me funny, my co-workers were whispering around, family and friends were asking me if I'm really going to go through this. I wrapped my hair for 2 days straight, I even contemplated wearing my wigs, and a fellow friend who is also on her journey told me no, to let my plants be free and grow and to remain confident through my stages. I took her advice amd I can tell you that on my 2nd week, I'm more confident than ever before and decided to burn my wigs because they are no use to me anymore.

  3. Wonderful T'arr.a,

    It's good to hear that you have let go, of letting other people make you feel uncomfortable about your progress. A lot of people are raised to think there is only one kind of beauty. So when someone like you or me goes against that, people are going to stare out of shock, curiosity and often - admiration. It's something that comes along with us expressing who we are and not letting it get us down. I use to hate the stares. Until I started to realize that a lot of it comes from people just being curious. And a lot of folks that actually admire me for my locs. So I can not sit around wondering if the people that are staring are coming from a good place. That would be such a waste of energy. As long you accept yourself and know how beautiful you are, the looks stop mattering. Because you will know that you do not need any one to validate your beauty.

    Good luck with the whole process. It is definitely a journey. But so worth it to be free in who you are.


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