Friday, September 4, 2009

Say what?!?

I received an email message from a fellow natural hair wearer, recently; and I read a quote from a talented loctician's page on Facebook. Both of these messages got me to thinking. So I thought I would share these following experiences with you all, and see if any of you could relate?

From Tammy: “I have been wearing my hair natural, on and off for about 17 years. I have had every hairstyle, except a jheri curl and a weave. I notice there is a superiority level, within the natural hair care world. I have 21-month-old locks. A women, wearing twist, in the super market hold her purse, as I walked by - as if I was going to rob her. There seems to be a negative ignorance with a lot of people, I notice, as if there is a fear of loc’s. A lot of people associate loc’s with crime… I’ve experienced negative attention from people looking directly at my loc’s and turning their purse and holding their wallet.” Tammy ends her message by saying she wishes everyone would “embrace difference.”

From Theirry Baptist: "Why does a sister who is natural, feel comfortable with giving a perm sister a compliment, without feeling inferior. But sisters with perms compliments to natural sisters, have to be piggybacked with self-hate. For example: “Your loc's r beautiful, but I couldn’t do it because of my man, church, career, or texture is too nappy.” So my suggested response is “Thank you and F*** you…" lol. On the real, prayer for them."

Both of these messages brought back many memories for me. I have had many folks cross the street when they see me coming. Hold their purse tighter and or even grab their kids as I approach. Is it really that bad? Me, a mother of 2, that has never committed a crime, never been in a fight. Very kindhearted. But my hair and or color seems to give others a certain impression of who I am... wow. And I have also got tons of the back sided compliments. "Your hair is cute, but I couldn't do it cause..." etc, etc. Lol... I tend to tune out the excuses that are given and try to just focus on the positive part of the message - which is that the person can at least admire the beauty of natural hair.

15 comments:

  1. Both of these comments are so true. What's even worse is the hierarchy amongst loc wearers. As a freeformer I am at the bottom of the totem pole. I have other loc wearers turning their noses up at my locs. Also, it's very hurtful to read loc blogs and constantly read comments about messy roots and how unattractive fuzzy/kinky/nappy roots are. I thought the whole point in going natural was to love your naps not feel the need to subdue them with loc gels and whatnot but that's another conversation in itself ; )

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  2. Thank you for the comment "anonymous". I completly agree. There should never be a seperation of acceptance within the natural hair comunnity. We should all accept each other for our individuality and beauty. Free form loc's/dreadlocks are just as beautiful as "neatly" twisted loc's. We need to celebrate natural hair in every form and shape.

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  3. Great post to bring awareness to this stigma that we still have to deal with. We should be able to embrace what ever journey we decide to travel without feeling like people are labeling us a certain way. You rock girlfriend!

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  4. Thank you Serving Christ! :-D It is an issue that is not often discussed. I am grateful to both Tammy and Theirry for their insightfulness.

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  5. Thanks for highlighting this. I've had so many 'your hair is nice, but I couldn't do this' compliments that I've lost count. Speaking of folks grabing their purse or kids at the sight of you, I remember the 1st time at a sports centre,when I realised someone was afraid of me, (I could just tell from the body language.) It was this white dude who kept watching me from the corner of his eye but wouldn't dare meet my gaze...

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  6. I can relate to both of these comments. I have been on the loc journey for 9 months now but for 5 years I rocked my 'fro. Sisters would always compliment me then sadly say "i couldnt do this to my hair." In the beginning, I would feel insulted but after awhile I began to realize it is the ways they internalize soceity's construct of black beauty (oppression) and fail to embrace the beauty of their own natural hair. I really admire their honesty even if it can be seen (or be) as insulting. We have a long ways to go but I think as natural women we have much to teach these women that deny themselves the opportunity of being naturally beautiful. And there are women who just won't "get it" but we still have to embrace/respect our sisters and pray that we can be positive models of natural hair beauty. Thank you for sharing these posts, Karen. And for the writers of these posts.

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  7. The post from "anonymous" is so true! I have noticed the hierarchy that exists amongst loc wearers too. Some folks are obsessed with the neatness of their locs. It is as if they are falling into the "nappy is bad hair" (good hair, bad hair) debate/paradigm. That is something that needs to be discussed more openly.

    THank you for your honesty!!

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  8. I feel like those who say " I like your hair, but I couldnt bc..." Are trying to justify why they dont have natural hair, almost like out of embarassment, they feel the need to give you a reason.

    The natural hierachy is so true: I agree with Karen, we need to celebrate our hair!

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  9. wow I have not had so much negative experience in my journey.People have always told me I look really pretty with my locs,I guess I have been luck so far.I have had locs for only 3 years now so I guess I still have a long way to go.I do believe that sometime it has a lot to do with where you are living,and how open the people are.

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  10. I am surprised to hear that women of color with locs have experienced instances of "wallet clutching".... that is really hard for me to fathom (not to say that it can't happen). I'm a black female living/working in Baltimore, MD and I have never experienced such a thing. And that is most likely related to the fact that this city is predominantly black and there is a large, large population of loc wearers in this area.
    As far as the compliments...I've had one or two comments but in the past three or four years I've heard "I love your hair and I'm really thinking about loccing." And it ends there. as for the backhanded ones...occasionally I'll hear "You keep yours so neat" , "locs aren't meant for everybody" or "I hate when they get messy." When people make those comments I either ignore them or just say that locs come in all different styles and that so called "messy" locs are as beautiful as so called "neat" ones.
    Great thread Karen.

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  11. I am Tammy, who sent the letter to Karen
    I am responding to christy post. a lot of people associate locs with a thug life or less
    than admirable lifestyle. I have had people
    with locks do he purse hold wallet hold. I think now it is a black thing mistrust, of our owm people. I live in a D.C. loc of diverse
    people , still a stigma the men loc wearers out weigh the women!!! Hence the loc prejudice

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  12. Im an Indian woman of color and I choose to wear my hair in locs. I often find a lot of ignorance and ill thoughts from other women with locs from any race. Its annoying but Im often told that my hair "is too nice to do that too it". I am a big supporter of natural beauty and I find it frustrating that society feels races have to fit into a box.

    People also ask me why I am trying to be black or if I am a Rasta but in their ignorance they fail to see that some of the first locs originated in India and that its a beautiful natural hairstyle for any race.

    Ignorance is not bliss.

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  13. Thank you for the comment Lutcakes. I agree that this sort of judgmental behavior is not ok. Dreads and loc's are beautiful on every race and culture. Thank you for sharing your story. Send me an email (naturalhairbeauty@gmail.com) if you interested in being featured on this blog. I am always open to sharing and highlighting other peoples opinions, views and thoughts.

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  14. I agree with the first response from anonymous. We should embrace our natural hair and not judge each other for being more natural and free with our hair. I had a big fobia about messy hair of any kind. When I had dreds I did not want them to be fuzzy or out of place and now I have a afro and I cut it even alot. Neat fobias about hair can be a serious problem,its not your problem so don't worry about what people say, just do you.

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  15. Wow, I never noticed the holding the purse or moving away when i had my locs, but i did notice the funny treatment when i went on interviews( im a therapist) and sometimes the positions i go for(hospital settings, private practice, etc) they frown on my hair and i was so desperate for change and a chance at a position, that i combed my locs out. yes i did. now i remained natural, and became very frustrated with my hair, because i wanted my locs back. long story short, i have my appt. on Nov. 30th, to reloc my hair.

    its so crazy how people can look down at you and treat you less than. my hair can be natural, but there is an 'accepted' form of natural (type 3a, or 3b hair) anything above that, you get the eyebrows. goodness

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